She is the Ocean
Im starting to feel a bit redundant in my blogs, but I paint a lot when emotions are high and honestly they ran very high during the tumultuous back and forth of my parents marriage.
This is the last big painting that is directly related to that season of my life.
Ocean of Emotion was the first, its stormy and angry mostly because I unnecessarily lost connection with half of my family. Then there was the Light Wall that represents the redemption, the divorce canceled and our family moving back in together, which brings us to She is the Ocean.
So, unfortunately the *light wall* season didn’t last long but in hindsight I don’t know why any of us were surprised because we essentially all moved back in together and went back to life as normal, there wasn’t much healing – restoration or concerted effort to change what split our family in the first place. So unfortunately within about 6 months divorce was back on the table and I was moving out again.
To be honest, this was probably my least favorite time of all (looking back now I am really thankful for all the trails experienced, even though I wouldn’t want to go through it again so much more is learnt in the valley than on the mountain top). I felt so far removed, my mom and I ended up moving to Del Mar and I cried so hard on moving day I think genuinely terrified the moving guys.
SOOOO that brings me to the reason I painted She is the Ocean.
Its like she’s so close to the surface and wholeness was so recently experienced but now its just out of reach and theres nothing she can do to change it. There was nothing I could do to fix my family, I just had to exist in the sadness.
I wanted to portray a peaceful sadness. No matter how many times it could have happened separation is sad. period. The difference this time around was that I had committed to not ever cutting ties due to personal offense or disagreement within my immediate family. So it didn’t match the anger of the painting connected to the first separation but more focused on the pure sadness of it all.
I re-read James so many times in the beginning of 2021 – I loved the concept that joy and sadness can co-exist and it didn’t have to be one or the other. That is how I felt, I really held onto the promise that suffering produced steadfastness, and I definitely can attest to that truth in hindsight.
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
The story is not over.
It only gets better.